Three Reasons
by Hellsleprechaun
Summary: Elijah is a wealthy, attractive and interesting man- he should be able to maintain a relationship. Unfortunately there are three reasons why all of his relationships seem to somehow go wrong, he likes to call them Klaus, Kol and Rebekah.


**I do not own the vampire diaries, it belongs to L.J Smith and the CW.**

**This is set in my happy head canon, where Elijah, Klaus, Kol and Rebekah are all alive and living together in Klaus's mansion.**

Elijah was an attractive man, a man with a fair bit of money, a well dressed, sophisticated man; it should not have been difficult for him to maintain a relationship. It was certainly not difficult for him to find a date, or to treat said date to a lovely evening, however all of his possible relationships ended before they could fully develop into anything serious. Elijah blamed this strange phenomenon on his parents for continuing to have children after he was born.

Elijah had taken a human woman out to dinner this evening, as he sometimes did. It was not as easy as one might imagine finding a vampire to date, let alone a desirable vampire to date. If, as he did, you preferred them to be of a sound mind, it was almost impossible. Of course, trying to start a relationship with a human had its own complications, for example, when was the right time to tell a woman that you were a vampire? A thousand year old vampire? One of the very first vampires? That you had a brother and sister who were also vampires, and one who was half vampire half werewolf? Elijah wondered if everybody else's love life was as complicated as his.

He and his date, Sarah, were having a pleasant evening, the dinner was wonderful, the wine was delicious and the conversation was flowing.

"Elijah?" A loud voice suddenly interrupted the story Sarah had been telling.

He turned towards the voice and saw that Kol was standing at their table, grinning at them in delight.

"Kol, what are you doing here?" He asked, trying not to sound as though he might push his brother in front of a bus later.

"I was just in the area and thought I'd stop by for a bite to eat; I see that you had the same idea." He smirked, inclining his head towards the human and winking at Elijah as he made the atrocious pun.

"You were just in the area? We're miles out of town, what were you doing here?" He asked with genuine curiosity.

"Work, I had to stay late at the office, Janet- my boss-" he explained to Sarah, "has really been cracking down on us all lately. We had an office inspection recently and it did not go at all well."

Elijah sighed quietly, "Kol, what are you talking about? You don't work in an office; you don't have a boss called Janet- you don't even have a job."

"I could have a job." Kol argued.

"You _could_, but you'd much rather allow Niklaus and myself to pay for everything for you while you watch TV and play on your x-box."

Kol grabbed a chair from another table and sat himself down between the two of them. Elijah regretted not claiming that Kol was a complete stranger, whom he'd never before laid eyes upon.

"What is this beautiful lady's name, anyway?" He inquired smiling politely at the woman.

"Sarah," she replied with a slightly nervous grin.

"Ah, Sarah, I could tell you some great stories about Elijah! Like the time he dropped me on my head on a stone floor. Or the time he put on mother's dress and pretended to be a girl!"

"That was you." Elijah reminded him.

Kol, unfazed by this, continued. "Or there was that time he got so drunk that he decided to urinate against our neighbour's house, except he was so drunk he didn't realise it was our house! Mother was not happy."

"Kol, please leave." Elijah said irritably, refraining from the urge to break Kol's neck.

"Oh don't be like that, Elijah! She doesn't mind. Do you?" He appealed to the woman.

Sarah was obliged to say that no, she did not mind, although she minded very much and Kol continued telling his stories.

Finally, it was time for them to leave the restaurant and go their separate ways, "well, that was certainly... interesting." Sarah laughed. "We should do it again sometime, without your brother."

Elijah nodded and smiled.

"I can't wait until you get to meet Nik and Bekah, too." Kol butted in, slinging an arm around both their shoulders.

Sarah's smile vanished, "there are more of you?" Elijah never saw or heard from her again.

It was about three weeks later that Elijah met another woman, a pretty human in her early thirties, called Lucy. She was sophisticated, smart and kind and Elijah enjoyed her company. He even took the risk of showing her around Mystic Falls, where any one of his siblings could have found and bothered them. He had actually begun to think that they were going to go the whole day undisturbed, until Niklaus wandered into the grill, where they had been having a drink. Somehow, miraculously, his blonde brother had decided that he had better things to do than to bother them and only winked at Elijah from across the room.

Elijah and Lucy dated for about a month, when Kol asked the dreaded question, "so when do we get to meet this girl, brother?"

He was about to reply that when hell froze over, Elijah might allow Kol to speak very briefly to her on the phone, maybe, when Rebekah spoke for him; "never."

Kol pouted and glared at his sister in disappointment, "why not?"

"I decided that she wasn't suitable and had to be gotten rid of." She stated casually, as though announcing that she had thrown away a pair of socks that had holes in the toes.

Her brothers turned to stare at her in surprise, "well that was rather unexpected." Klaus commented mildly.

"What? I didn't kill her! Why does everybody always assume the worst of me?"

"Perhaps because you keep coming out with sentences like that." Kol suggested.

Elijah sighed in annoyance, "will somebody please tell me what has happened to her?"

"I compelled her to stay away from you and move house."

"Move house?" He repeated in disbelief.

"Okay, move countries, she's relocating to London as we speak." At Elijah's look she defended herself- "she wasn't good enough for you! If you're going to get a girlfriend she has to be a little bit more interesting."

"I agree." Kol chipped in.

Elijah opened his mouth to speak but then gave up and left the room, _she was rather dull_, he admitted to himself.

A few months after his last date with Lucy, Elijah was bringing a lady to dinner at his house. Michelle was a vampire of about six hundred years; she was beautiful, funny, and, much to Elijah's surprise, apparently sane. She had reacted well to the news of him being an original, even to the news of Klaus the infamous hybrid being his brother, and when he had suggested that she meet his siblings she had reacted with delight. He had finally arrived at the conclusion that it was best to get this part out of the way, so that his siblings couldn't take him by surprise again, Michelle could be introduced to his family on his terms.

Dinner started off as a success, Niklaus was delightful, Rebekah was radiant and Kol even managed to stay quiet for most of the meal. Elijah started to believe that the evening was going to be a success- he spoke too soon. After dinner, Michelle excused herself to use the bathroom, and the others continued talking.

"So, does she meet your high standards?" He asked with a raised eyebrow.

"I like her." Klaus spoke with a smile, "I think you've finally found somebody suitable, Elijah."

Rebekah snorted, "you only think that because she complemented one of your paintings."

"I must admit, I like her too." Kol acknowledged.

"That's only because she told the story about the horse in the brothel."

"True, true, but come on! There was a horse in a brothel, even in all my experience of brothels..."

Elijah turned to look at him, "which is none" he insisted and trailed off.

"What about you, Rebekah, what do you think of her?" Elijah asked his little sister.

"Well... I suppose she's alright." She admitted reluctantly, Elijah repressed a smile. "Speaking of, where has she gone? The house isn't that bloody big."

"I'll go and find her; she may have gotten lost or distracted by some of Niklaus's _amazing work_." Elijah teased, smoothly getting to his feet and heading upstairs to find his date. He walked past the nearest bathroom; it was empty so he checked all of the others- empty also.

He walked through the halls of the upstairs of the house and noticed that Rebekah's door was slightly ajar, he closed it and continued down the hall, only stopping outside of Kol's room where the door was also ajar and closing it. He reached Klaus's room at the end of the hall and saw the door was half open, he pushed it open further and slipped into the room. His eyes widened slightly at the sight before him, Michelle stood in the doorway to Niklaus's wardrobe, holding a pair of his expensive jeans and sniffing them deeply.

"What is going on here?" He asked, his tone a lot calmer than he was.

"Oh... Elijah, I was just..." she scrambled for some kind of reasonable explanation as to why she was in his brother's room, smelling items of his clothing.

He raised his eyebrows and indicated that she should continue. "He sired me! We spent an... amazing night together and he turned me, he promised to be back the next day and I waited and waited and waited and I've finally found him again. I just knew when you told me who you were that it was destiny! Fate had brought us together again, I knew if I could get him to remember me then we could be together again." She confessed passionately, her eyes bright with, what Elijah suspected was, insanity.

"Michelle, I'm going to have to ask you to leave, and never return to this house." He informed her evenly.

He escorted Michelle downstairs and then compelled her to leave the house and Mystic Falls and to think herself unable to return. Once he was done he turned to Klaus.

"I don't know why you're looking at me like that- it was hardly my fault."The hybrid defended himself, trying and failing to hide his amusement at the whole situation.

"I just can't believe you slept with her and turned her, yet you didn't even recognise her after having dinner with her." Rebekah stated.

"Rebekah, you can hardly expect me to keep track of all the people I've slept with over the centuries."

"I'm sure you can't expect the same of her either." Kol muttered under his breath, earning him a hard smack on the arm from his sister.

"Fair enough," she continued, "but you can't even manage to remember all the people you've turned?"

"The fifteenth century is all a blur to me, who knows what I might have done?"

"By any chance were you involved in the horse-in-the-brothel incident?" Kol inquired with interest.

"I wouldn't rule it out."

"You don't glare at him for his brothel experiences." Kol shot a glare at Elijah.

"True, but he's incorrigible- I'm holding out some hope for you."

"By the way, Nik, I just thought you should know that when she left she took a pair of your underwear with her." Rebekah told her brother with a smirk.

"Clean or unclean?" Kol sniggered.

"This is a disgusting conversation. If I ever meet another woman whose company I enjoy, none of you are ever meeting her." Elijah announced before picking himself up and heading upstairs for some peace and quiet.

"How about we make a little bet?" Kol suggested to his remaining siblings. "I bet you five hundred dollars that I can find Elijah a better date than either of you can."

"In the next month?" Rebekah asked, Kol nodded, "I'm in."

"Well, I feel bad taking money from my little brother and sister but go on then." Klaus smiled smugly.

Upstairs in his study, Elijah gave a quiet sigh of exasperation- it was going to be a disastrous month.

**The end.**

**This is a random idea that popped into my head a few months ago, I was wondering why an awesome, good looking guy like Elijah wouldn't have a girlfriend and the only reason I could think of was his family.**

**If Enchanted Hybrid is reading this- I am still working on your story, I'm mainly working on the dialogue.**

**Please review.**


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